About 4 years ago a group of my best girlfriends and I spent a girls weekend at the Crowley Beach House. It was awesome and I have a ton of memories from there. We walked, talked, watched movies, sang songs, did dance routines, flew kites, spent time in the hot tub, did all sorts of girl things. Man, just writing about it makes me want to do it again, too bad I am so far away from everyone....
During one of our discussions the topic of self esteem came up. Many of us had very young daughters and we were talking about how to instill positive self esteem in them. Then slowly it came out that virtually every one in that group, who I would describe as smart, beautiful, creative, extremely talented, witty and spiritual had struggles or struggled with self esteem. I was a little shocked, but it made sense. People from all situations struggle with this, but I think as women we are even more prone to it. Good self esteem is so incredibly important in my estimation. Low self esteem can cause us to make poor decisions or to have a lack of decision making abilities at all. Depression, bad relationships, eating disorders, a myriad of potential affects come to mind. And those are just the big ones...
So how do you foster good self esteem in those around you, especially your daughters, girl friends, wives? How do you strike a healthy balance between positive self esteem and pride? How do you maintain your own self esteem? I am thankful that I haven't been afflicted with poor self esteem in a long time, but I can't describe how I got here. All I do know is that every day we try and remind Hilde how much we love her, how talented she is even if those talents are not developed yet, how smart she is and how proud we are of her. And we pray fervently that it will sink in, that she'll know she is as special as we know she is. And I hope the same for all of you, that for a moment, you don't compare yourself to anyone else and recognize all that is amazing and special in you. I know I am in awe of you everyday.
3 comments:
I have always thought that self esteem has to come from God. If we understand who we are as women, as daughters of God, then so many other issues wouldn't come up. Having taught high school, it always upset me when girls would be having sex with guys just because they wanted to feel "pretty"- it was really sad that they put their self esteem in boys (who use them for sex and then don't talk to them again) instead of their Creator.
Studies have shown that the way a dad treats his daughter will determine their self-esteem as teenagers. I don't think that is a coincidence (and it truly shows how important dads are in a society that tries to tell us being a single mom is just as good as having a strong father figure in the picture- not trying to blame single moms, their job is difficult enough, but simply that it is very hard to replace the father role). Perhaps our father on earth is stepping in as role of our Heavenly Father and therefore able to help girls see their true value and potential.
I have often wondered if we focused more on our divine role as daughters of God in YW, and not so much on eternal marriage (seems like that was the lesson every week), if problems with word of wisdom, chastity, etc. would go down. Just a theory- I guess with Audra I will get to put that theory into practice! I'll let you know in 18 years how it turns out!
Thanks Chris. I think that knowledge of your worth from your Creator is obviously the best way to go. People all over the world with different belief systems have the same issues with self esteem, so it isn't always clear cut. For example, I have met plenty of people with no faith in God or any deity that have great self esteem. I do think the relationship between a dad and daughter is huge, but not the sole determinant, which is what I think you meant. I mean, even if you don't have a dad you can have good self esteem, and sometimes people with a great dad can have low self esteem. We are so easily influenced by others, especially once you get into High School and college. But as parents we can work every day to lay the building blocks for them to build their self esteem on. Then hope for the best.
I also think self esteem has to be discovered within. In order to have self esteem you have to realize that you are unique, wonderful, and that what others are doing and saying do not matter if it does not make you feel good about who you are. All we can do as parents is point out the positive and hope they understand that they have great worth.
And, I will say that having taught YW for the past 2 plus years, in each manual there is really only 2-3 lessons on eternal marriage and MANY more on our divine nature as daughters of God. Maybe at that point of our lives we just remember the lessons on marriage because we have dating on our minds, and if we realize that there are much better things to make us feel good about ourselves than relationships we will understand our value more, and be more prepared and mature when the right man comes along.
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