Being human comes with a deep longing to belong to a group, to be heard, and to be loved.
Just a few months after Dave and I married, we went to a friend's summer party. It was in Virginia, in July, and it was HOT outside. So much so, that many of the group meandered inside. Since it was a BBQ, most of the men stayed outside to tend to the meat. Dave and I were recently married, and these were my friends not his, so we stuck together. We went into the nice cool air conditioned living room and sat down next to a group of women. They were mid conversation and the fact that Dave and I appeared didn't slow them down. In fact, it gave them ammunition.
You see, they were part of what I have come to see as a club. When a group of women get together, they can sometimes turn the conversation into a discussion of the faults the men in their lives possess. An innocent comment can kick it off. Sometimes the discussion can turn mean spirited, and often I wonder how the men in their lives would feel if they heard a recording of the conversation later. At this time, the women were in full form and as soon as they heard we were newlyweds they launched into telling me all the faults I would discover in Dave as the honeymoon stage wore off. And remember, Dave was sitting right there, beside me. I left that party learning a very good lesson - my need to belong and to be heard is secondary to my need to be loved (and trusted) by my husband.
Since that time I have been in many situations (girls nights, Relief Society (church), etc.) where the women turn to conversations putting down men and it makes my heart hurt. I often find myself defending men in general, and highlighting Dave's positive qualities, which he sometimes finds embarrassing. But I just can't join the Club.
I am not perfect, and I don't always say the right thing. I get frustrated and tired and completely worn down. And I might share those conversations in private moments with a loved friend or family member. Or I might listen to someone else in that situation. But the intent is to build up and move on, to end on positive notes, find ways to make things better.
So, I invite you to join me in avoiding club memberships that are negative. There is enough of that in the world without any help from us.
Often we look at Phinn and see resemblances to Hilde or Enoch. Tonight I decided to see if it was just in my head so I looked at a few old pictures. I tried to find pictures at similar ages with similar expressions. These kids definitely have the same parents. From top to bottom the pictures are Phinn, Enoch and Hilde.
Saturday, 20 March - and 8 months have flown by. I can hardly believe that my baby is no longer my baby. He is more and more mobile, starting to cruise a little, pulling himself up anywhere, and crawling too fast. He still only has two teeth, but at least two others are on the brink of bursting through (and he is feeling the pain). He is starting some verbal development as well. Phinn is babbling da da da da and making more noises that sound like mom and dad. I have excited conversations with him frequently, if I only I could figure out what he really wanted to tell me. Enoch occasionally claims that Phinn has said his first word, but he hasn't really. He is eating like a champ and wants to make the transition to real food and feeding himself. Mom isn't ready for the mess that will involve, so she is procrastinating. He is a great kid, we love him dearly. Here are some pics. 
Be prepared for complete cuteness. Be prepared for some of the bluest eyes you have ever seen. Be prepared for big smiles. Be prepared to smile yourself. Because this kid is special and you can't help but love him, all EIGHTEEN pounds of him. On February 20th Phinn was 7 months old. On February 11th we got his 6 month check up and he was 18 pounds 8 ounces, 26 inches long and his head was 17.5" in circumference. He is not in danger of wasting away to nothing, that is for sure. This month has brought some big developments. He has two teeth, he is no longer immobile, and he loves to eat real food. He started crawling in earnest about four weeks ago, and he gets a little faster each day. And although he likes crawling, he has his eye and thoughts on walking. He often crawls on toes and hands, and tries to push up to a stand. Yesterday he pulled himself up to a stand and tried to cruise around. Last month he tried a few foods, now he has had much more. There isn't anything he won't eat. Green beans, peas, sweet potatoes, yogurt, pears, peaches, rice cereal, oatmeal, peas, puffs, etc. During meal time he gets pretty frustrated if your rhythm gets off. Once his mouth is open he expects another spoonful of delicious yumminess. We are still working on sleeping through the night. He still gets up at least twice, but other than that, he is a pretty fantastic kid. We think we'll keep him.
I love seeing these smiles everyday. They are incredibly contagious.
Evidence of his two teeth. Be careful he doesn't get your finger, those babies are sharp.
Hiding his true age already.
The three kids together. I love these guys.
