Oh Christmas Tree - Lessons Learned

Lessons learned from our Christmas tree adventure a couple of weekends ago:

1) Don't expect to see your Christmas tree until it is in your house. All of the trees at the Christmas tree place we went to were already wrapped in plastic. The "helpful" lady told us that people always pick their trees out by picking out which top they like....
2) Don't expect a variety of tree types. There is only one. Dave would have to tell you what type ours is.
3) Don't have HIGH hopes. The tallest tree they were selling was 7 feet.
4) Don't forget to bring rope. When Dave asked them if they could tie the tree to the top of the car, they looked at him like he had three heads. Apparently nobody does that around here. We looked around us and saw that every other customer was shoving their trees inside their trunks or inside their cars. No more need for the evergreen car freshener, just use nature!
5) Don't expect them to carry a proper tree stand. Bucket anyone? Only one left and it is ours.
6) When you finally get home, and unwrap your tree, and hold it up to put it in the bucket, don't expect that the tree farm cut the base in a way that will actually make the tree fit into the bucket holder you bought from them.
7) Make sure you have a hand saw, you will have to go buy one after a frustrating morning if you don't. And while you are at the hardware store, pick up some rocks to fill up the bucket.
8) THIS ONE IS VERY IMPORTANT- When you get home and cut the tree, and secure the tree in the bucket, and fill the bucket up with rocks, and then add water, DO NOT EXPECT THAT THE BUCKET WILL NOT LEAK. Have your husband lift up the tree, stand and all while you mop up and put down a plastic bag.
9) When you pull out the IKEA ornaments to decorate the tree, don't expect that they will have hangers. In fact, they will have little tiny pieces of fishing wire )that are impossible to tie so they don't slip right off), waiting in a packet for you to attach, and re-attach, and re-attach until you want to cry.
10) Two days after the tree is decorated and the trauma is behind you, expect that you will find that the tree leaking solution has failed and you have to move the tree to prevent mold. While your husband lifts up the tree yet again, expect the bucket to fall off, rocks and water to go everywhere, and you have to start the whole process over again.

This is when your husband asks if it is OK if we don't have a tree this year and you wholeheartedly support tossing it out. I mean really, who NEEDS a tree, not us, we can do without. You can't avoid the looks on the kids faces though, and you end up moving, re-potting and redecorating the tree. And even after all of this, you say to yourselves that you are never getting a fake tree. So, you write down the lessons learned and make a gameplan for success next year.