GUILT
We all have it. Catholics are famous for it, but Mormons may be masters of it. Gordon B. Hinckley was great at asking us to do just a little bit better everyday, and that makes things more manageable. But there are some days when you start to ask yourself: did I read my scriptures today? did we do family scripture today? did I write in my journal? have I helped anyone in need? did I do anything remotely related to geneology? when was the last time we went to the temple? do we have enough food for the week let alone two years? have I done my visiting teaching yet? should I have volunteered to make dinner/babysit/drive/clean for XYZ? when was the last time we did FHE? when are we having the missionaries over for dinner? On the list can go on and on indefinitely.
As I was sitting in Relief Society on Sunday, listening to a so-so lesson, my mind started racing with all sorts of things I wanted to get done, mostly temporal. Then I started down the Mormon Guilt path and I thought to myself STOP. Remember that it is the little things that are important, the desires of our hearts, the good we can do in the moment, and our overall spirituality. I think Heavenly Father will understand that right now there are some things I can do, and some things that I can't. And although we strive for it, we ARE NOT perfect, and never will be. So breathe, slow down. Love your family, develop your relationship with God and others, and don't worry about living up to anyone else's perceived perfections. Because after all, I don't want anyone else's life but mine. And by the way, I think I am getting a little better everyday, with some exceptions, and isn't that the whole point?
3 comments:
You totally hit the nail on the head. I'm going to respond on my blog.
Good post. There is no accomplishing it all. This also touches on one of my beliefs that, at least culturally, we are trying to "works" our way into heaven when, at least if I believe the scriptures, that ain't how it works. Sabbath was made for man, not man for the the Sabbath. Same goes for these endless checklists we all carry around in our heads.
And yet many of the things on the checklists are things the Lord has asked us to do, so they're not to be dropped. The Lord does demand a lot of works, individually and through His Church. The tricky part, that's only tricky because I forget to remember it, is that the works are for our own benefit and growth. The more I do, the more I improve? Sometimes true, sometimes not. I don't enjoy feeling guilty so I try not to, but it does creep in when I get confused how to prioritize all the hundreds of important things I think I should be doing but don't have time to. Sometimes I feel like I can't become a little better each day; I feel so close to the max of what I can do or be (not that it's close to perfect, but close to what I can do) that like maybe I can become a little better for 4 or 5 days, then that's really it.
Like with so many things in my life (weight loss, relationships), it's like a forwards/backwards step dance, and all I can hope for is a longitudinal net gain, hoping to be much better at the end of my life than at the beginning.
Once after my mission I was having a hard time and a friend suggested that the Lord wasn't through blessing me for what I did on my mission. That seemed strange to me but I thought not to rule it out and it was a good reminder that God is loving, wishes for our happiness, and seeks chances to bless us. Anything to the contrary, like non-sin-related-guilt, must be from his adversary.
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